Numb

I am not sad
I am not happy
I am not much of anything
Recent conversations have awoken me

To the realization, that I am numb,

To a series of feelings which I never

Really knew how to feel.

Numb, not only to a selected few

Often identified

Not numb like everyone.

It’s a common delusion that someone somewhere,

Is not numb.

And all these feelings, we end up having

This great, love and hatred

It’s just a reaction in the numbness

The numbness is the matrix

And sure…love is real,

And that satisfaction of watching

Your partner orgasm is a goal to be reached for

But it is all numbness

Not just relevant to numbness.

It is numbness itself.

These felling are all simulated

Not just biologically

But by everything.

A friend of mine once said

That we all act like something,

And never just act

Perhaps this is true

But is this a critique of the world

Or simply an observation?

Does the numb man have feelings?

What are feelings if not;

The numb mans description of his environments?

If we were not numb,

We would not need feelings.

It’s like air

You don't realize you breathe it

You just do

Anger, love, hatred

Those… you feel though

Because you’re numb

Perhaps none of this makes sense?

Why am I saying these things

And smiling.

There is no noose around my head.

But why stop

No going back only forward

That’s the problem with most revolutions

They stop

They let things get comfortable

They let things return to the original state

Of human

The only solution is constant revolution.

If people get too comfortable

The rebellion is over

This is the red pill

Fuck the blue pill

That’s for the classics

Go back to describing feelings

Anna Karaganda had a lot of them

This is the realization of the matrix

And hell if I need another Oracle

I have been listening to them all my life

Perhaps its time to bend the goddamn spoon already

And stop looking at my reflection in it.

But how do I do that?

Hell…

Buddhism tells me that I must be one with spoon.

That’s what it culminates in

A form of anti-nihilism which

Westerns mostly don’t have the discipline to understand.

Perhaps the trick isn’t to equate to the spoon,

Perhaps you must equate both yourself and the spoon

To numbness.