Monday, June 18, 2012


I am not sad
I am not happy
I am not much of anything
Recent conversations have awoken me
To the realization, that I am numb,
To a series of feelings which I never
Really knew how to feel.
Numb, not only to a selected few
Often identified
Not numb like everyone.
It’s a common delusion that someone somewhere,
Is not numb.
And all these feelings, we end up having
This great, love and hatred
It’s just a reaction in the numbness
The numbness is the matrix
And sure…love is real,
And that satisfaction of watching
Your partner orgasm is a goal to be reached for
But it is all numbness
Not just relevant to numbness.
It is numbness itself.
These felling are all simulated
Not just biologically
But by everything.
A friend of mine once said
That we all act like something,
And never just act
Perhaps this is true
But is this a critique of the world
Or simply an observation?
Does the numb man have feelings?
What are feelings if not;
The numb mans description of his environments?
If we were not numb,
We would not need feelings.
It’s like air
You don't realize you breathe it
You just do
Anger, love, hatred
Those… you feel though
Because you’re numb
Perhaps none of this makes sense?
Why am I saying these things
And smiling.
There is no noose around my head.
But why stop
No going back only forward
That’s the problem with most revolutions
They stop
They let things get comfortable
They let things return to the original state
Of human
The only solution is constant revolution.
If people get too comfortable
The rebellion is over
This is the red pill
Fuck the blue pill
That’s for the classics
Go back to describing feelings
Anna Karaganda had a lot of them
This is the realization of the matrix
And hell if I need another Oracle
I have been listening to them all my life
Perhaps its time to bend the goddamn spoon already
And stop looking at my reflection in it.
But how do I do that?
Buddhism tells me that I must be one with spoon.
That’s what it culminates in
A form of anti-nihilism which
Westerns mostly don’t have the discipline to understand.
Perhaps the trick isn’t to equate to the spoon,
Perhaps you must equate both yourself and the spoon
To numbness.

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