Friday, July 17, 2015

E. V. I.

So when is "sex camp" she asked?
She being a friend...
This was before I left. Ha Ha
and sex Camp was in reference to Dark Odyssey : Fusion
Thats the name my friends...the ones I can be open with about what I do here....thats the name they came up with.
See they know me...
They know when and why and how I am open and gifted and they know how I am repressed.
Knowing me, they thought that this Fetlife thing- was a good idea, back in January when I joined.
And they thought Dark Odyssey was a good idea in June when I was going.
BUT now
But now they were asking me how WAS sex camp?
now that I had returned
and now I didn't know what to tell them....
Because I was fundamentally different now then I was .....before I went
And they smelled it on me, the way a dog smells FUCKING BACON.
See, being surrounded by the people who surrounded me, helped me become surrendered to myself. Surrounded by myself.
Thats the person I found amongst the 1200 people and their screaming orgasms...myself.
Because when you go to an event.... motivated by find the things that need love and affection.
And for me, that was myself.
Self love creates self....not the Ego kind.... but that attractive kind....the kind that makes ladies swoon.
See at camp, I wanted to tell my Real Life friends
At camp... you are surrounded by people being themselves.
Amongst Pagan Blood Rituals
Clit Washers
Cabins and Tents
and screaming orgasms
amongst Naked Hiking, Hitachi Hour, Lesbian Gang Bangs, and Kinky Court with Pizza
amongst Pole Dancing classes with some incredibly hot ladies, in a torrential downpour....
amongst the screams from the dungeons, and the looks received in the Garden of Pleasurly Statues....
amongst all these people taking their armor off....sometimes by putting on chain-mail.....
amongst all this.... you have or find the courage to just admit to being who you are.
The courage to say....... that I am..... just as weird as everyone else....and they are as odd as me.
See after 6 months at Fetlife I was finally disrobed.
Its not that I am something else...or that I was hiding something
Its that I can be myself...sometimes around strangers.
Because in the end the 3 words that I learned at Sex camp, were not
Fuck Bitch and Dick
They were
and Intent
and those are 3.... of the most powerful ideas...... in the human concept.
With those ideas you can do anything....and woo anyone.
If you can show someone...anyone- your Experience, your vulnerability, and your have shown them everything....and in some way... you have told them you love them.
Experience... is who I am as a person. What I have done, What I could have the Will to do. It is the chalice of your life. Every piece of knowledge and joy comes from experience.
If you are always experiencing...then you are being present.
...and "being present" is sexy.....very sexy.
See, no matter how bad or good certain experiences are... they are the origin of all knowledge.
You dont know much about something , until you do it.
Theory ( and I am PHILOSOPHY MAJOR this i kinda of a big thing to admit)...often means Jack shit... without experience.
Good News...for all you broken people
You already have experience, however lackluster it may seem
and, Better news
You can always get more...
unless your dead or dying. (and even then I am not sure (because I took a lot of LSD back in the day)).
You dont have to stop thinking...theories are not bad...prior knowledge gained by others is useful... but it is not experience
Experiencing : is admitting what you know/feel now
and/or what you want to know/feel in the present or the future.
How well you do rope bondage....thats experience
Do you want to be tied up...thats an experience
How well do you know rope bondage now that you have been tied up?
Aka ....Whats your experience.
There is only experience.
That is all.... from the time you are a baby to your coffin (and maybe beyond).
Because there is only the present time and place...the present....the presence of experience...and if you are present for experience that you are growing, loving and are becoming...
Life is experience. Gained in the past, Had in the present, Understood in the future.
Those books on theory are great....but life is a hideous bitch Goddess of experiences and moments.
So how you do get experience?
How do you build that cosmic resume up a bit....from simply the things you already know & the experiences you have already had?
Experience = Vulnerability and Intent
See... experience is what you know or what you learn....
Vulnerability.... is the power to admit to what you dont know or what you have not experienced. It is the power to love yourself for your flaws.....
And the power to do something or nothing in light of your experience and vulnerabilities.
If you can be Vulnerable enough to admit to new experience.....then you can use intent to personalize that experience.
Vulnerability is also the power to admit that
While I may be sexual liberated on one level I am not equally as liberated on another.....because only after I have admitted that...only now
Only now... can I have the experience that I want, with the Intent that I want.
See now i can learn things I didn't have the power to learn before....
and all it took was the Vulnerability to admit that I never did it
and the intent to do it anyway
first times the charm right?
Repeat over and over and over
Feel Feel Feel
Never EVER stop Feeling
Never Again.
Death before Surrender
becasue only by Feeling are we living anyway
Be Vulnerable...always
Be guarded.. if you need to be...but Vulnerable
and have Intent
Intent is that part of you..... that broadcasts.
Intent is your voice in a cosmic choir.
Intent is everything. Intent is what separates experiences you forget from experiences you remember.
It doesn't always have to be your intent...but you have to intend to be vulnerable enough to follow (if you want) the intentions of others...
Intent is the most magical secret thing there is
Because the scariest part of the magic of that IT IS REAL
100% of the time.
Nature Lover Courage - Terrance Mckenna used to say
and right he is...
becasue the world can provide you for any challenge if you show nature you intend to face it.
So it comes to E V I
The culmination of Experience had or desired, Vulnerability and Intent.
how do I explain E V I to them ?
For Now...maybe this
This right here.... will Suffice?

1 comment: